My Perfect Sister…NOT!

Dear world,  

Dolly Jolene Griffin,
Is my teenage sister.
Yeah,
I know what your thinking
“That sounds familiar.”
That’s because
Dolly Parton is a famous
Country singer.
Jolene is her biggest song
And you guessed it,
Griffin is why she’s
Related to ME.

So why doesn’t she face
THE SAME humiliation
As I do?

Because SHE
Goes by JoJo
And HOW CUTE IS THAT?!
So cute that EVERYONE
STINKING LOVES HER! 🙄

I love her,
But that doesn’t mean I have to like her.

She’s always pushing me;
Hogging the bathroom;
Mocking me…

Me: “Hey sis how’s it going?”
Sister: “hu sus hu ut guin”
Me: “MOM SHE’S MOCKING ME
AGAIN!”
Mom: “….”

She hugged me once…
A Very
Short
Cold
Hug.
I smiled
it was weird.
Later I found out
She made a bet with her FRIENDS!
TO
HUG
ME!

Who does that to their brother?

Maybe if I would have gotten more
HUGS from my family,
as a child… I would have more friends;
Or feel fuzzy inside;
Or not freak out when someone
DOES Try to hug me (yeah, it happens) :/

Side note: Everyone in the world thinks your
WEIRD If you don’t like hugging.
They look at you like you are
an alien.
It really makes me
NOT want to Hug them.

So back to my sis,
she is perfect,
has the perfect friends,
the perfect car,
the perfect brother (thought I’d try)
Buuuut…. Things aren’t always
what
they
seem!

Du du duuuum…

At home,
my parents usually end up
GROUNDING HER
because she can’t seem to
EVER stop lying.

I mean, of course if you lie
your GOING to get in trouble right?
Secrete is…
You just have to not get caught.
Amaright? 😎

So here is a set of rules I’ve made
to successfully lie
(just remember kids don’t try this at home)

Rule #1: of not getting caught lying:
Don’t lie (obviously)

Rule #2: If your parents have home security
don’t sneak out of the house.
there is a little buzzer on my door
Annnnd a camera; 😮
Of COURSE it’s going to wake them up
when it buzzes at 2am durakdor.
Obviously she wants to get caught,
I think she needs more attention;
maybe she didn’t get enough hugs…

Rule #3: Don’t tell your parents that you
are going to your friends house,
THEN leave your stinkin GPS on!
A simple alternative is is:
drop your phone off at your friends,
THEN go to your boyfriends.

Rule #4: Telling your parents your going to see
a PG rated movie then leaving the tickets
in your pocket
to DEATH WISH (a rated R movie)
THAT
is not smart.

Rule #5: Don’t hide rap music in your old
“Kids Bop 5”
sing along CD case…
What happens is:
when your parents are babysitting
their friends kid
they go to insert that old CD–
the very same CD they used to play for you–
thinking of how it will be
Sooooooooooooo special.
Instead of “Crazy in love”
It plays rap music;
the kind with all of those bad
“4 letter words.”
That’s not being sneaky. 🙄

When that child goes home
and repeats those words
to his parents…
Well,
bad bad things happen. 😳

Rule #5: Go back to rule number one
DON’T LIE!
I know I said it
but seriously people!
That’s how I stay out of trouble,
I never lie.
Well… 
Hey, I’m only human. 😉

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